Second life
Did Jesus have the choice whether he would die or not in
the hands of those dear to his heart? Perhaps, he has this struggle whether to
obey or not the Father who wants to offer him as a ransom for the sins of the
humanity. He said, “Lord if possible, let this cup pass by me.” Likewise
he somehow later agreed, “Not my will Lord, but Thy will be done!”
The Father too understands the struggle of Jesus. The
former may have somehow said, “You know Son, it is hard for me too to offer you
to die on the cross that the sins of the humanity may be forgiven, but I have
no choice. Being my only Son, who is all I have, it is conceived ever since the
beginning that I would give you, my only begotten Son, to the world to die on
the cross and that you are compelled to follow me or to do what destiny has
been carved in your palm.
Somehow, Jesus in his nearing death said, “Lord, Lord, why
have you forsaken me?” Though the Father is in grief holding to Himself his emotions
for His heart might break any moment then, he was in pain to see the Son saying
these words. Imagine, from the lips of his only begotten Son, that it seems
with the suffering of Christ, walls of heaven are falling; even the gates of
hell are smashed broken. The walls of heaven in sympathy to the sentiment of
Jesus, and the gates of hell destroyed overcoming deceit because Satan has lost
in the fight, as he has not succeeded tempting Jesus.
Jesus was like Isaac submissive to his Father when Abraham
in obedience to God was compelled to offer Isaac to die while somehow bounded
to be burned in the firewood as an offering to God. Though it was painful for
Abraham to offer his only Son to die on fire, he has no choice but to obey the
Master who freed him from the worship of idols and brought him in the
wilderness to journey that from that expedition, he may be a father to the
children counted as many as the stars in heaven.
Though this promise was at stake because his only son is
bound to die on the fire, Abraham was impelled to follow and it is an
obligation for him not to say “no” because he being freed from the worship of
idols is now a child of God, he being lucky to hear the voice of God in the
wilderness calling his name after a rush of waters that drifted him along.
Imagine there is abundance of water in the desert? I don’t know. Maybe the
place was not of the desert.
Likewise, though Isaac on the other hand was silent and
was obedient to his father Abraham, thoughts maybe were cropping in his mind
how come that there is firewood yet there is no offering. He even asked his
father, “Father, where is our offering?” And Abraham may have said, that the
Lord will provide. Isaac was like Jesus silent before the nearing death meaning
he was tranquil and composed while preparing his heart to obey his father’s
will. Thus, Isaac was submissive to Abraham who began to tie his hands with a
rope and was about to lit the firewood with fire after that he may have stabbed
Isaac with a dagger.
Nevertheless, an angel manifested stopping the occurrence
and providing a sheep as an offering, telling Abraham that God perceived the
purity of his heart and that this God was able to distinguish between Abraham’s
mere obedience and the purity of his participation in the work of God. Though
these may not much differ from each other, it brought Abraham a reward that by
participating to the work of conceiving the destiny of the Christ to die on the
cross, Abraham became a father of many nations springing out from him children
both Isaac and Ishmael. Of course many more descendants came from these
children who thereof were counted as many as the stars in heaven.
Accordingly, if you would permit me I’ll convey that on
the start of my journey as I was drawing myself farther deep in the
waters of Boracay somehow with the thought that my life was useless and that it
has met its destiny having preached to the monks and that I forgot that I still
have my family, relatives and friends that love me, I’ve already decided that I
would kill myself and end my life like Isaac being offered by Abraham and Jesus
being offered by the Father in heaven both bound to die.
The waters were already deep that my feet won’t touch the
sand in the bottom as I began sinking and then surging up again, and to think
that I don’t know how to swim except for paddling like a dog. As my face looked
up in heaven, I was overwhelmed with the vision. In place of stars were the
neon lights colored yellow forming the faces of different saints. I could
identify St. Therese and St. Francis. As I was focused in the vision, a thought
came into my mind with me saying to myself, “Maybe I still have a role to play
on this earth and a mission to fulfill.”
As a result, I faced the shore and to my surprise, I was
already so far from the shoreline. That realization troubled me much that I
began shouting at the top of my voice in Tagalog, “Saklolo, nalulunod ako!
Tulong!” meaning, “Help I’m drowning! Somebody rescue me!” Then as if in
movies, lights were unsealed in the shore spreading its luster of brightness,
and the motorboats as if in magic, which excited me though I began to panic,
draw fast to me, which many of them on board were fishermen or other residents
of Boracay.
One among them was fast to rescue me as he began swimming
towards, and as somehow in a bit we collided though gently, and I said to him,
“You are the Jesus in my life! Then he said, “Don’t struggle further, and just
allow me to hold your neck and I will draw you to the boat.” As I reached the
shore, I was as if in triumph that I began dancing chanting and singing, “Jesus
Christ, Jesus Christ, I love you Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ!”
Then my mind was blocked, and I already know not what I’m
doing as I shoved off my new white short pants and jostled my new white t-shirt
both with the imprints of Boracay which I’ve bought from asking alms while
saying, “Peace be with you! We arrived via Philippine Airlines to Kalibo, and
we’re going back to Tagaytay immediately tomorrow. We’re from Franciscan
Conventuals and we’re here to bid you peace, any amount please?”
I found myself sitting in the bar counter of the immediate
restaurant plain and exposed saying, “You have fooled Christ two thousand years
ago, now you can never fool him anymore.” That was already December of year 1991.
Then they gave to me my white long pants with the cloth like that of which are
used in aprons which I’ve placed in the mount of rocks and the pants were
already dusty unlike my short that is new, which I have just newly bought. I
can’t already remember well if I have worn a dusty white polo. And you know
what happened? They grabbed each to them my new white t-shirt and new white
short pants with imprints of Boracay owning these to them.
Likewise in the scriptures, they also cast lots for who
would obtain the robe of Jesus. I have no debt from them for they have
retrieved my new Boracay t-shirt and short pants which I have bought out of
their money that I have begged from them.
Here I pause again for a prayer.
-Jyotisman Nearu Upendra
