The mirth of soul
Perhaps I was born to cut the curse in our clan and within the family as well. Whatever were those that rot in our family tree would be stopped as I offer myself of which from me there will be a transition, as things may change or may be modified.
My heart for these pasts few days seem tattered after expressing my sentiments, my heartaches, as I have to let go of those feelings of brokenness and cut the bondage that made me a slave to anger just like when I burst out when my seat of powers or chakras exploded the very first time in Tagaytay. The chakras include the basic chakra, the sex chakra, the solar plexus, the heart chakra, the throat chakra, the third eye, and the crown chakra.
In this very recent journey, I need to go back to where my formation in the seminary originated, and it was at St. Peter’s Seminary in San Pedro, San Jose, Antique itself.
I left our home without taking my breakfast. The bus left Kalibo at 8:00 a.m. and arrived Culasi at past 10:00 a.m. Unfortunately, the former Parish Priest there was already assigned to Pandan. As I went towards the convent in Culasi, I saw a familiar face in the person of Nonoy, who suggested that someone in the family should have a devotion to the sacred heart of Jesus.
Persons were hurt; relationships were affected as I came accusing particular persons that were represented well by somebody from the clan with me wording my statements to release the negative bondages that had been stored in my heart for years that cut my heart to pieces.
It would not be necessary to explain in detail what happened to me at the very early age of four years old but there is one thing that is worth testifying. Before the tragic days of my innocence, while I was kneeling in front of a life-size image of the Our Lady of Miraculous Medal, the holy image changed to that of Dolorosa with seven spears in her heart and the virgin being in mourning clothes. After about four minutes the statue went back to its normal appearance.
I could not understand what happened, but it didn’t disturb my peace. I didn’t even understand what happened to me twice in the same room with two separate girls in the old house of my grandmother that was a boarding house preceding the occurrence of the vision. It would unveil my wound if I still have to write everything about it.
I’m thankful that after the old experience was processed, which were fortunately followed by the psychosomatic healing seminar the day after I arrived home, I obtained healing not just mentally but physically. I owe the healing of my heart and soul first to God, then to the speaker and the organizers of the two-day seminar and to those who listened to me particularly the psychologist, my parents, and some familiar intimates, even new acquaintance which include those who were completely strangers to me.
Likewise I’m also thankful for those who offered me food particularly the new Rector in the seminary where my formation originated as I arrived there at 1:00 p.m. Actually, it was already the fourth time of my journey from Kalibo to San Jose. My first lone travel was only until Sebaste; the second and the third were via Boracay to San Jose, Antique; and there was still one that is only until Boracay which comes after my second journey.
My first journey was the worst of those where I almost turn a savage being where I walked in hot stones towards the rice field then up to the mountain. As I was approaching the mountain, I use to bathe myself in the trenches of rice fields and drank from the pour of water in the rice field coming from the irrigation and eat wild red berries at the foot of the mountain.
Like a boy scout, I created signs as I travel towards the rice fields but I’m sure those who looked for me could not track those signs for they are in form of branches, flowers, leaves and stones. To my surprise, two entities were waiting for me on two sides of the mountain.
On the left side of the mountain, I saw a cryptic entity in black robe and he is holding a staff with the sickle at the upper end of his staff. Likewise on my right side also on the mountain was a translucent crystallized figure of Jesus in red and white robe with brightness as a diamond. The wonder was that while I approached towards the top of the mountain these two figures also enlarge with the image of Jesus being also magnified larger that a usual height.
I was disturbed by the invisible presence of the devil that would not stop talking too, until I hushed, and there was silence. Then my heart cried for vengeance abandoning the two visions and heading my self back to the foot of the mountain where I was escorted by those who looked for me, saying, “Here Jyo, go down on this side.”
I feel the need to take a bath again in the trench, and found myself jumping into the quagmire of the carabao, and had mud all over me. This experience that was followed by severe anger was healed after this recent fourth journey to Antique in a tranquil way, as I have released my anger way back home.
I arrived back home the following morning after I slept in my sister’s house and was welcomed home again with plenty of food served in the table as I reached Kalibo. We patch up differences, and after some painful revelations and pouring out of sad experiences, there was healing of the wounds in the family. Much more the bonding in the family was restored.
I was comforted and was moved to forgive those who have offended me and have lured my innocence when I was four years old. My outlook changed and my mind catered positive alternatives. Unlike the past before my fourth journey, my feeling of anger was destroyed and I was relieved of heartaches that had once penetrated my heart even the soul.
I understand now the vision at my very early age of three or four. After the mourning and what seems to be the wearing of sackcloth, I had gladness once more and a healthy relationship not just within the family and our clan but also with my spiritual associates as well.
-Jyotisman Nearu Upendra
